shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
