how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
