i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
