Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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