I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
