I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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