the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
