At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
