Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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