we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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