What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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