So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My balls are so social today.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
