I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize