Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You were trust falling into bushes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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