I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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