I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
