I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize