TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i will never coherently bang her
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
