Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
