UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
