Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
