I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
