Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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