Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
