it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
