You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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