If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
