I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
BRING THE BAGELS
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
