We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
