if you like me you must not know who I am
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
