It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
