i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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