awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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