i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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