dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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