Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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