i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
