i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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