just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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