I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
