Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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