I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
