Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
