Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
