I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Farmville is her only friend.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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