is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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