I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You took a bar mat shot.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
