I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
sarcasm needs its own font
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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