The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My vagina just recognized that song.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
