i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
