I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
only you would photoshop your dick
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
