he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
