watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She announced her abortion via fbk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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