On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he shaved USA in his pubs
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
