Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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