Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
try to milk me bitch
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
