Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
