we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
