69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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