I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
