make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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