I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
