I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
