I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
do herpes really smell.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
