i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
