I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
