I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Even my vagina gasped.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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