rhymes with "ouble enetration"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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