Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
