everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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