First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
