My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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