Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
