Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
