he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize