I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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